Two weeks ago my wife and I clocked about six sweaty miles running between gates for a lastminute standby ticket from San Francisco to Boston after our flight was canceled. A United pilot, all silver wings and silver hair, stood behind us in a ticketing line. Whatre they telling you? he asked. We told him what wed heard: The delays were the result of pilots who had a problem with Logan Airports crossrunway flight patterns.He turned beet red: Those pukefaced lying bastardsA week later my stepdaughters crosscountry United flight pulled out of the gate and stopped. Passengers got no more information for almost an hour. Then the captain came on: This plane was recently struck by lightning, he said. The right wing flap isnt working properly and I have determined it is not safe to fly. Back at the gate, as the passengers were being discharged, an attendant confided: He did the same thing last night.Friends report similar events. The captain on a London flight turns back from the runway at the last minute. Sorry, folks, he announces, I forgot my passport. Another pilot pulls out of the gate after several hours of ground repairs, stops abruptly and then explains to his passengers: I just noticed they forgot to put fuel in the plane.

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